A Little Funky

Today was a little funky. I felt myself shifting towards reaction mode as the day progressed. It's a funny realization that these are the kind of days where I really learn things about myself if I allow myself to be honest.

I reacted to some things my boss said to me today about a project I was working on that had been delayed, and my first inclination was to feel bad about myself, unworthy of my job and unable to live up to standards. After allowing myself some time to pause, I realized that there could be many reasons why this had come up today. Maybe my boss was aware of something that made the project more urgent than we had thought it was a few weeks ago. Maybe he just was having a bad day. There are many possibilities. I can't ever know anyone else's motivations. Knowing that today--really knowing it--is a hell of a blessing.

That doesn't always keep the shamed feelings from coming up on me when I feel challenged, but it does mean that I have the tools to put the interaction in perspective. "How important is it?" It wasn't too important, really. For today, I did the best I could.

There was a great rain shower this evening. My boyfriend, our dog Jim (pictured above) and I waited it out under an awning. It felt good to be in the midst of something I had no control over. It was a good way to recover from a funky work day.

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we did get sick, at least we didn't die; so let us all be thankful. -Buddha